It has been exactly a week since I got my knee injured. It’s getting better but it still hurts a little and I still can’t put my whole weight on it when I walk. This is the first physical injury I’ve ever had limiting my everyday activities. This event has put a lot of things in perspective.

I’ve been oscillating from depression to blind optimism for the past days. Depression is my default phase then I would console myself to blind optimism which wouldn’t last thus the vicious cycle. I am not one who is easy on himself when one commits mistakes especially if the the mistakes have tremendous consequences and if the mistakes are just from sheer stupidity. I should have followed that still, small voice inside me telling me not pursue that gym application. Truth is, god, I really hate myself right now. Why did I allow this to happen to myself?

Limping for a week and still needing to go to places, one sees through the eyes of the physically challenged. One feels defenseless against all imagined evils. Crossing a street becomes a hundred times more scary. Public-utility-vehicle-drivers  stopping in the middle of a busy street to let you down becomes a million times more evil in your sight and you can’t kick their balls because you’re limping. People stare at you like a freak as you pass by. Plus it’s really depressing to experience how some people can be so inconsiderate of your predicament. People can be so evil sometimes.

But I’ve also learned that there are people out there who have good hearts and who would go out of their way to help you. Like drive you back to your boarding house despite being out of the way and despite of the exorbitant price of gasoline, push your swivel chair around the office and to the restroom so you wouldn’t have to stand up, get your milk from the canteen at the building’s first floor so you can have your breakfast of cereals and coffee at your second floor office, support you as you go down the stairs, go inside a car and limp across the corridor. And of course, there are your parents and siblings who are outraged by the gym’s lack of overseeing and instruction and who never left my side and made me feel better by their encouragement and tender loving care.

To everyone who has made me feel better (you know who you are), thank you, thank you, thank you very much.  I am deeply touched by your kindness. I hope my knee recovers fast so I wouldn’t need to have an MRI. Waaah!