Ang tagal ko nang di nagsusulat. Di dahil walang bagong nangyayari sa buhay ko kundi’t ang kabaligtaran. Ang daming kong gustong ikuwento pero mas kailangan kong magtago. Ang hirap ng maraming sekreto. Mahirap, magulo pero masaya rin. Siguro pagkalipas ng maraming taon at matanda na ako, gagawa ako ng libro tungkol sa buhay ko. Makulay, parang sinabawang gulay.

Don’t you think it’s funny that whenever I’m in pain, I’m scared, I’m lonely and I don’t know what to do, it’s you I still think of? I don’t.  But you’re there and I can’t take you out of my mind.

Got this picture from Regilyn’s site. This picture was taken back in college when life was way simpler and passing or failing an exam meant the world. This picture made me kind of feel my age. Wahahaha! Si-nepia pa talaga ni Reg Anyway, I particularly like this picture because it is the kind of picture you show your grandchildren and say:

“This used to be your Ninang Karen, she’s as makulit as ever. This was Tita Reg and Tito Mike. They were already a couple back then. This was Tito Jor-el, he was such a heart throb. And this was my ex-boyfriend… he’s dead.” Wehehehe.

I know it’s such a cliche but time really does fly. So much have changed and a lot of things happened in between. Some of us grew apart. Some had major conflicts and are now on non-speaking terms (some can’t even bear being in the same room together). But some still remain and are the closest friends Relationships may have been ruptured but it can’t be denied that we have been witnesses of each others’ lives during those turbulent years when we were still figuring out what our puny existence meant to the world. So to hell with sentimentality and bitterness.

We journey through this life and meet people along the way (corny but true). But crossroads come and decisions are made. The people dearest to us choose paths that are more than usually not the same as our own. That is something we just have to accept. Ganun talaga ang buhay (cliche ). Life goes on (still another cliche ). But who knows, paths intertwine. We might journey together once more. So guys (and other estranged friends), till our paths meet again

Kailangan yatang dagdagan ang ginagawa ko ah… Pumatol ba naman sa survey? Hehehe, anyway, Iskolar ng Bayan Survey naman eh (palusot pa!)

1. Student number: 98-37126

2. College: Engineering

3. Ano ang Major mo? – BS Electonics and Communications Engineering

4. Nag-shift ka ba o na-kickout?

Nope, nakagraduate ako sa Eng’g!!! (after n! years nga lang)

5. Saan ka kumuha ng UPCAT?

UP Baguio

6. Favorite GE subject?

Soc Sci 1 (Sir Palis!), Soc Sci 2 (kung saan ko natutunan and ibig sabihin ng pagiging ‘Machiavellian’) at STS (Prof. Arcilla!) kung saan nanonood lang kami ng sine at kung saan ko natutunan ang ‘Science of Beauty’ (0.7 pala ang dapat na waist to hip ratio ng mga babae para maging sexy… 0.74 ako – malapit na! hehehe)

7. Favorite PE?

Lahat ng PE ko: Swimming, Social Dance, Street Dance, Wall Climbing at Basic Life Saving

8. Saan ka nag-aabang ng hot babe/men

Unfortunately, dahil ECE ako, wala akong oras at interes sa mga hot men. Kelangan kong paganahin ang MP ko.

9. Favorite prof(s):

Doc M, the best! CEL, no. 1! Sinundan ko pa siya hanggang sa kung saan siya nagtratrabaho as a consultant at nagpakadalubhasa ako sa RF. Sa’n ka pa? Hehe

10. Pinaka-ayaw na GE subject.

Kasaysayan I – yuck talaga ‘to. Bakit kasi wala pang RGEP nung panahon ko?

11. Kumuha ka ba ng Saturday classes?

Basic Life Saving at Swimming

12. Nakapag-field trip ka ba?

Yep, para sa PI 100. Ang creepy ng mga simbahan. Ayoko nang pumasok sa mga ganun.

13. Naging CS ka na ba or US sa UP?

Yep, nung first year. After that, masaya na ako kung pumasa man ako sa mga EEE subjects ko (diyos ko po! iniiyakan talaga ang EEE 23 at COE 115). My God, maraming salamat at nakagraduate ako!!!

14. Dorm, Boarding house, o Bahay? – Molave Residence Hall

15. Kung walang UPCAT test at malaya kang nakapili ng kurso mo sa UP, ano yun?

It’s not the getting in to UP that’s hard, it’s the staying. Yahoo!!! Nakagraduate akong ECE!!! Wootwoot!

16. Sino ang pinaka-una mong nakilala sa UP?

Karen Anne Garcia Conanan Still one of my closest friends

18. First play na napanood mo sa UP?

St. Louis Loves Dem Filipinos – di ko to nagustuhan pero mataas nakuha ko sa reaction paper. Hehehe

19. Saan ka madalas mag-lunch? – Molave Cafeteria

20. Masaya ba sa UP? - The best!

21 . Nakasama ka na ba sa rally?

Never kahit para sa EDSA 2. Nag-aaral yata ako nung mga panahon na yun.

22. Ano ang favorite spot mo sa UP?

Acer, saan na nga ulit yun? … Joke

        Honestly, I have already forgotten to whom I wrote this for. Or to be more honest, di ko na maalala kung sino sa kanila. hehehe

(Entry written: October 2006)

You’re currently the most pressing “what-if” of my life. I know it’s shallow and pretty trivial and I’d probably just laugh this off a couple of years (or who knows maybe months) from now but right now I would like to be honest and admit that I’m hurt and confused. God, I hate what-ifs.

Sabi na nga ba makakalimutan ko rin after a couple of months eh.

I previously posted this entry in my Friendster blog. It was the first and last time I made an entry. I never touched that blog again.

This entry is not an original composition. I got it from a friend’s email around the time my ex and I broke up. I guess this composition was more or less what I felt when the break up was still raw. I CAN’T believe that I wasn’t at all bitter.  Good God.

It has been an awfully long time since we broke up.  I wonder what he’s up to now besides soaking in the sun in some Caribbean island?
“When we fail in our relationships, we ask ourselves
what went wrong.

There are times when nothing was wrong. Sometimes love
just naturally fades away and this happens to people
who are simply not meant for each other.
I know it is difficult to comprehend why relationships
suddenly take unexpected turns. But, it always
happens. People we treasure are taken away from us for
a reason. Sometimes we have to stop asking why and
just accept our fate. If there is certainty in that
end, then we should stop being bitter and just be
thankful that for once, we have loved and shared our
life.

Sometimes we are holding on to someone whom we think
is still there but has really been long gone, or was
just looking for a decent way out of your
relationship. You know how people can get away with
words. There is nothing wrong in loving someone. You
may be able to bear the pain when love begins to hurt.
And when it hurts, you may still be able to give even
more. You maybe even able to love until it hurts no
more. But what good does it bring you when the person
you love shows no respect for what you feel and makes
lame excuses for their inability to love you back.
Love isn’t love until you give away. But love will
only have life when it is shared by two people who
believe in its meaning, by people who share one goal,
one commitment, and by people who are selflessly loyal
to each other.

God’s ways aren’t always easy and painless. Some are
meant to open our eyes to what we do not see. Some are
meant to make us realize what we stubbornly refuse to
understand. But all of them will always be meant to
make us stronger and better persons. We just have to
trust Him on that. you may find your way to the
farthest planet and still remember the one you love.

Distance has little to do with forgetting. This
healing should begin in your heart. Acceptance is the
first step to recovery.

Once you have learned to understand that this is where
it ends then it is the only time when you will learn
how to move on with life without having to stop every
time you are reminded of the bitterness of the past.”